Pushing

So I'm at the gym, on the elliptical, steadily pumping away, lost in a sea of scattered thoughts that come and go in my head. Some enjoyable and some I wish would of never entered my mind... but still I continue pumping away never skipping a beat, blankly starring off in the distance. Rationally thinking, and some irrational thinking. I start thinking where the drive comes in to keep going, to keep pumping away. Am I making myself do it, or is it a subconscious habitually survival instinct that just keeps us all going? Our inner drive. In most situations I suppose i would of never even gave it a second thought but I just kept wondering why I'm still pushing, pushing myself to that finish line and then I started thinking about people and their emotions and their feelings and how people can mentally or verbally beat each other up and how anger just brews away making it bigger and bigger when really the problem was probably smaller than a dime. I miss the days when I had no clue what hurtful things really meant. Why do people feel they need to express themselves in such foolish ways. Can't you think before you speak? Or is the lack of caring that doesn't prevent you from saying every stupid thing that pops into ones head? Or is the wiring bad upstairs and that's the sad excuse for your miserableness for you to take such small meaningless things out on people? What ever there deal is. Its not a good enough excuse to drive people away and frankly that's what I believe will come down to in the end. I think that if you push hard enough, you'll succeed in pushing them away. One day there will be nobody to push away anymore. Sad but true. I don't think it is at all about what you did, or what I did, or he did or she did or what any of them didn't do. Does it matter? In life do we really all tally it up? I guess if your the person that tally's stuff up in the end, no matter what your tally is it will always being larger than mine. I hate holding on to bitter feelings. They do nothing but make you a sad bitter person who may in fact wind up being the tallier in the end.