There are so many up's and down's, sudden jerks in life I do beleive it's what makes you the person you are or will become. For more than five years I do believe that my life was anything but ordinary. I hated life in every single aspect, but just now within the past two years, I have learned so much about who I really am, that I have started to not only begin to love myself but appreciate life more.
I used to feel like I couldn't obtain the things I wanted in life or accomplish certain goals, I constantly put "someone" before myself and selling myself short. I hated waking up in the morning, I hated trying to sleep, the constant worrying and wondering. I hated happy people and I hated sad people and I hated the feeling of emptyness inside to the poing where I could be vertually any where....and weather it be the laughter, the dancing, the sadness, all around me and yet I'd feel so removed from where I was that I felt as if i where an enigma.
For several years I was convinced it was all me. For several years I allowed to be blinded by blinders and believe this is allll that life offered to me. For years I convinced myself that I needed and loved what and who I had. And now I have evloved to a better person not so blinded after all.
I have learned within two years that no matter how comfortable a situation might be, or how long it has been going on, or that change is too scary cause what would it be like with or without someone or changing jobs, changing careers, moving, or just letting go of someone you know just doesnt fit for you(and some of you know that deep down that he or she just isnt right for you; why do you insist on wearing blinders?). CHANGE IS AMAZING. You survive. You live. You learn from it and yet you still go on. To let something finally go, to make that leap of change, that you know deep down you should of done early on is so more poetic and feels like a rush of relief and fresh air swept over you. Things begin to smell better. Taste better, feel better, sleep better. The endless worry nights seems to vanish and your mind begins to finally relax. Like the way the ocean meets the land. Why is it that people are soo afraid of change? Why do we constantly sell our selves short from what we deserve and can aquire? Can it really be that bad? I say no. I say love change, change is what helps you grow and become the person you shall become. I hope to never stop changing. I say own up to yourself, to your own feelings because they are your feelings and you owe it to yourself to not alway sacrafice your soul for what you know in your heart is wrong for you. The moment it comes you know it has to change. Why cast aside what you feel or know? Cause you'll find 3yrs, 5yrs, 7yrs will pass and your only hurting yourself and im pretty sure others as well. Love change. There is nothing more new and exciting to explore than yourself. Finally start loving you.
