Time and Guilt Go Hand In Hand

Relationships. They are all taken for granted. Or most of the time you don't realize what you have till it's gone. Or its importance become more apparent when its compromised, or it seems to fade away in what seems like split seconds, it just vanishes. Time like a knife slashes away minute by minute, hour by hour at our lives. Till all you have is nothing but memories. But some of us are blessed with the best memories that no one could ever replace, and some of us where dealt maybe some not so pleasant cards. It never makes any sense at all. I can't help but feel that when you lose something so close to you, you change, all time stops, everything is in slow motion. How do you know when its time to adapt? How do you know when your ready? How do you prepare yourself? Even protect yourself? There is no armor in the world that can rescue us from that misery. We can only hope we have the support we need to deal and heal through the pain. Some people just never get it, and take advantage of their relationships, others value them respect them and go above and beyond for their loved ones and then there are some who just make light of what you say like its no big deal, yet they have no perspective at all what it all means. And no matter how much time you think you have, its never enough, time is a massive illusion and a mental head game. It suddenly seems that ever second has vanished even faster and you start to regret time, time that had you obligated else where or just doing something else, cause that very minute or moment could of bought you some extra time. Time and Guilt go hand in hand. I wish life was kinda like technology. Fix this, replace that, give up this to heal that, but its not. I'd give up a lot of stuff to see my friends and family not have to suffer. Time never seems to slow down when its taken things away from you, especially the important things, and all I can keep thinking about is how can we make it right. What cosmic lessons are to be learned from this? People are often fearless, until the unknown is known.

Stop Chasing and Just Open Your Eyes

My fate leads me in a constant haze of ciaos. I adapt and just try and accept that these are the cards I have been dealt with. Can't stand being an adult. If we could use a get out of jail card in real life I would be the cheater. I would abuse the get out of jail card every time I had to be an adult. The best part we as the adult still play games. Childish games and along with the the foolish lies that we think we are so sneaky at. I look foolishly back at my past in shame and question my lack of judgement. I knew the game, I knew the lies yet I played along. Why didn't I care more about me? Why didn't I continue to be the asshole I was being? I don't want to say I was a total asshole but I'll say I really only concerned about very little and more interested in finally loving and making myself happy. But as life and time flows steadily on, what can one really do? Beat myself down till there is nothing left, why should i give anyone that satisfaction? I wound and tangled myself in this, and now I'm untangling myself. That's all I can do. I finally made it, I made a clean get away. All it takes is one feeling to turn it all around, one realization and it changes everything, every word ever said, everything ever thought, changed. Just simply fall for nothing. Maybe the best and only relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself. Maybe, its just something none of us are willing to except but honestly is it really all that bad? It's time to stop chasing and just open your eyes.

Anatomy Of A Lie

What makes a liar a liar? What feeds the liar? Is it to see how long you can keep the lie alive? Is it the act of telling the lie? Is it excitement? Is it the sweet excitement of adrenaline rush of the first whisper of a lie and getting away with it? Is it only after you have told the lie for so long that you actually believe that this lie is the truth, you have convinced yourself its reality? Whats evenly far more amazing is when you flat out tell the liar that is in question, "is it this or is it that, I don't care, it doest it bother me", the truth will slightly come out and the lie still continues somehow. I can't deal with lies or scandals. I deal with truth and facts and if they are presented to me I can adapt and cope with them. Whats so hard about that? Your not protecting me, or yourself or anyone for that matter. Damaged goods. Broken. It doesn't make you special because of the different stories that one tells, it just makes you look dumb. The excitement dies, and I pity you. I pity your lack of judgement and lack of honesty for its you who solely lives the lie, it is not I.