To my fellow American's

I keep reading about how everyone is very upset about the election, where our country is heading and so forth.  I'm going to try and keep this simple without pushing MY or any political party agenda.  That being said...

I want to remind my disgruntled fellow Americans the first line of the Constitution say "WE THE PEOPLE"...Not We the government.  It will. If you choose to do nothing or iqnore everything. 

We the people need to stop having this little pitty party and arm ourselves with our education.  Seems most of us already have.  Most of us already have strong views.  But its lacking the know how and the responsibility due to step up to the plate when we don't like something.  Hence the Constitution.  We talk about it constantly but do we really soak it in and utilize our abilities, We the people have?

Technology, media, busy lifestyle all there for us to distract us for the government to do as they want.  WE have the ability to make a difference.  WE the people have the ability to change it, We the people need to step up the game and fight for what YOU believe in. Start writting to your local congressmen, write to the sentate, start a petition.  Hell start a strike if that's what it takes.  But We the people like sheep give the goverment all the power with very little fight hand over fist and we either sit back and accept the changes or you make a difference whatever that is.  Like busy working drones government relys on this.  If you never once wrote, or voiced your opinion to your local congressmen, to the senate or any avenue you pretty much have given government all the power.  So make a change,  start some where is better than no where. 

I leave you with this thought...
People in history who made a difference made a difference. Because they did something, they fought for what they believed in. Not because they didnt.  Maybe its all time WE fought for something WE believe in.  

my weight loss journey thus far

People ask me constantly, "How did you do it?"  My answer I guess is simple.  It'simplicity this time around my state of mind and lifestyle choices and education and lack of pressure.  I don't presume to have all the answers, except for what has worked and has failed in the past for me.  What has failed for me, is what I have noticed has failed for a majority.  Pressure of losings weight and using terms such as dieting and focusing on the evil mechanism the scale, the do's and don'ts.

What I did is what seemed to be the fail safe approach and to great success has worked.  One I educated myself and started small.  It seems that when it comes to educating your self in this area somethings are overwhelming and people feel they need to go all in to make it work and its not true, do what you can in your lifestyle.  Make simple lifestyle changes small or large based on your lifestyle that you can do.  Any change is actually better than none at all.

What first inspired me was my cousin the model told me to watch Fat Sick and Nearly Dead.  It's then I felt a personal connection to the documentary and realized a lot of obvious truths behind it.  The personal connection is I was a chronic migraine suffer for years with no answers, that tried lots of avenues.  I highly recommend it.
After I had watched it I spoke with my cousin about the film and he gave the greatest advice anyone could give.  Which was, "Your body, the mirror and clothes will tell you everything, forget the scale.  The mirror doesn't lie"  So through out this journey I really retained what he said.  I never once weighed myself.  I only did when I had a follow up at the doctors and that's when it kinda started to make sense.  It all started to really hit me when people started to comment that I really needed to go out and buy new clothes. HAHAHA.  Although, I have never done the full blown juicing route due to at that time in my life I was recently laid off from a job, so I modified it.  Like I said simple, lifestyle choices. I incorporated the drink Green Machine in my diet and started to have more focus on fruits and vegetables in my diet than large portions of meat.  I stopped eating past 6pm and I totally axed out soda only now to occasionally have it.   When you totally get ride of it you will no longer want it.  But you do it slowly and I never once focused on what I was actually doing.  Just made choices. Simple choices. Then I became more active, not super active but more, but I feel that making it a lifestyle change and being simple about it and not thinking about it is what has and given me the edge to not have to incorporate the working out portion to all this.  Also I find that your body may be dehydrated vs actually hungry so I always have a glass of water before eating if I'm still hungry in a half hour then I'll have something.  Well all know what is shit food,  I stay away from fast food at all costs.  So there are the mini lifestyle choices I had incorporated, and I continue and evolve everyday.

Yesterday I saw my hairdresser who I saw in September she said I drastically changed in two months since she last saw me.  Sometimes it like a shock and awe value, cause you still look at yourself in the same light at times.  But I'm proud of myself on so many levels.  I was never highly overweight, but being overweight doesn't make us feel any better as we get older and I'm starting to feel better in my skin again, and so with a glass a wine last night I cheated and stepped on the scale to see that I'm 7lbs away from goal.  Does that mean once I get to goal to stop my learned lifestyle choices?  Never.  I hope to not turn into a stick, ick!  But  to turn back to the dark side, I think not.

Paths

Perhaps, the path of life that brings us to doors that we open leads us to opening new doors for which we have sealed off to the world.  Some that have been sealed away for several years, some for moments in time.  So as they say,  one door closes but several can lead you down new paths and help you to make new choices.  New choices you thus far you would of closed yourself off from.  Maybe these path's choose you, you don't choose them.  Like a friend recently told me,  the music we listen to often chooses us.  I firmly believe that, maybe that correlates to a lot of aspects to our lives.  Perhaps, my soul has been closed off for so long that this life lesson has taught me more than had anticipated.  That one, I am oddly unique but in every once worth any risks.  That I am capable of so much more than hiding it all behind a false image of haunted ghosts.  I have love and compassion in perhaps the most minute things but I see the larger picture so they aren't so minute.  I'm never resentful.  The inner circle of people know I'd risk everything and give everything to those that matter most.  Sometimes I'm more scared of living than dying.  I often feel like I don't belong in this time, I wish I was from another time.  When things actually meant something.  Maybe its the fact that sleep eludes me so.  Or maybe The day After Tomorrow is coming that's making me think this way, or my DNA, but I know that moving forward I don't feel bad for who I am.  I am Marlena.  I've been hidden for a while now behind scars, and band-aids and this is myself letting it all go and remembering I'm not going to let the past any longer damage and dictate my future.  Because I am Marlena, I am worth it.

where did the boldness go yonder?

I used to be one those people who didn't have a problem flat out asking a question without hesitation when I needed an answer or a resolution or when I felt I needed to protect myself and to be an asshole of sorts.  Especially in difficult situations.  But it seems in the past year or two I'd say that has changed dramatically.  Obviously its based on the situation itself as it arises.  Now i find myself either wondering occasionally instead of getting an answer or resolution, or I simply find myself choosing the less burden path. Due to not wanting to expel or waste energy on it.  Is that maturity?  is it laziness?  is it just not caring anymore?  Is it throwing my shield back up?  what is it?  Does it make me scared?  WTF???  When did that happen?  Did I even just say that?  Do I indeed value that much what the response is going to actually be?  Pfft...I really need to asses that in itself.  How about this...do I even really want to know???  Really?  I fight with myself I guess on some sort of inner level but if I really wanted to know wouldn't I just make some sort of effort to find out really?  A lot of times I think my good friends, real friends know me but I think that even gets very confused.  Especially in the drama department.  I don't participate.  I'm like The Dark Knight in the shadows.  I have no time or air to be wasted on such nonsense.  Yet, I feel it lurking in the background that some don't get that.  I feel like some will say they share the same view but won't and that's okay we are not meant too.  Touche.  But alas, where did the boldness go yonder?  I do not know, perhaps, I shouldn't fret.  As very few people have seen or provoked me to Red Alert status, I guess there's no major need for concern.

Love and Loss

Sleep eludes me. I have this ache in my heart that's twisting my insides apart.  It's called love and loss. Love does crazy things to you.  Time does crazy things to you.  Absence does crazy things to you.  You wonder if your own memory is its own self mutilation.  You think of the beginning, the fun, the crazy, then how we thought we were going mad, and the good times and then theres the end.  Your own worst enemy.  Your memories on rewind, over and over again, jolting you, reminding you, just jabbing at you.  As if you didnt already know.  As if your feeble mind wasn't already aware of the absense and daily reminders that it also wants to pay visits in your restless nights.  Or at any chance it wants to sneak up. The mind is a dangerous place, if one lingers too long in the dark.  I keep thinking to myself of happier times, but sometimes the happier times get the better of me and rip the air from my lungs and I feel crippled and empty at knowing nothing really is forever on earth. But I know they are forever in our hearts.  That's were they remain.  Dealing with loss, any type is not simple, there is no quick resolution, but there are some nice distractions that help us get by even for just a little while.

A Love Stunt Maneuver

Went for a stroll on a Saturday afternoon with my father and our dog Indy. Its then I realized just some of what we are capable of when it comes to pure love.  You sacrifice yourself without hesitation.  Then there are moments when your heart skips a beat so fast for you to even notice it has happened for the ones you love.  Its true for anything.  I realized some of my passion just so for our family dog.  Went walking along on a trail, he got stuck on the side of a cliff.  Struggling to get up, I had my Nikon D80 with me without hesitation I practically removed it and nosed dived down the cliff to save my pup only for him to end up making it on his own and me holding on to a tree root from not nose diving the rest of the way.  In tears of my Indiana Jones maneuver, I realized I didn't care of the sacrifice that could of taken place or the risks only what had to be done. Didn't care if I was okay, or about the camera, just about Indy.  Scary none the less.  Love takes all forms and leads you down all sorts of paths.  But real love never makes you hesitate, and as for our pets they love you unconditionally.  We do this for our counterparts as well.  Love should never be blind, and time is a gift.

Labor Day...

Well Labor day was quite chillax and that was fine by me.  Spent the day with family and friends.  The weather was perfect for a nice cook out.  It reminded me of fall, which is defiantly right around the corner.  There was a nice breeze which I snatched a near by hoodie and relaxed and had lots of great laughs with my loved ones.  It's time like that when everyone is together to appreciate the smallest things.  Days off, warm cool breezes,  cook outs, smiles, dogs begging for food, and the near by hoodie to snatch.