You know what i think is sad?

When the 27yr old(god i cant believe i said that out loud) acts more like an adult than people in the 40's, 50's and 80s. My family makes me crazy. Everyone is too proud to put aside their bullshit meaningless differances and just value and respect and enjoy having an actual family( WHO IS STILL ALLL ALIVE AND WELL), instead of alienating and pushing away people because of different views or thoughts and lifestyles.
Only after they are gone, or someone becomes ill, they will sit back and go "huh, wish things where different." Seriously, all i care about is being with the people I love. Does anything, any faults they may have, I may have, and bills, any other worrys really matter? ? ? ? ? No! No one wants to feel left out, no one wants to be alone. I will not have any regrets whats so ever. Because at least i can set aside all the bullshit insecurities and nonsence to say no matter what I LOVE THEM and I should not, SHOULD NOT have to decide ever, where i should be. There is no choosing sides to family. THATS WHY ITS CALLED FAMILY. All i want for christmas, is to NOT HAVE TO BE THE ADULT, AND MY ENTIRE FAMILY be in the same goddamn room with no judgement and set aside their bullshit. WHICH IT IS ALL TOTAL BULLSHIT. you have ONE...not two...not three...ONE REAL FAMILY. One family who will always be there for you, one family that is your own blood and as close to you as you can ever get. So for christmas for godfucking sake can I please have everyone love and respect each other even if its one day? it might kill ya why dont you just try and do it. Cause out of everyone...I put aside everyone's and i mean everyones bullshit and equally love them with out skipping a beat.

Evolving from change

There are so many up's and down's, sudden jerks in life I do beleive it's what makes you the person you are or will become. For more than five years I do believe that my life was anything but ordinary. I hated life in every single aspect, but just now within the past two years, I have learned so much about who I really am, that I have started to not only begin to love myself but appreciate life more.
I used to feel like I couldn't obtain the things I wanted in life or accomplish certain goals, I constantly put "someone" before myself and selling myself short. I hated waking up in the morning, I hated trying to sleep, the constant worrying and wondering. I hated happy people and I hated sad people and I hated the feeling of emptyness inside to the poing where I could be vertually any where....and weather it be the laughter, the dancing, the sadness, all around me and yet I'd feel so removed from where I was that I felt as if i where an enigma.
For several years I was convinced it was all me. For several years I allowed to be blinded by blinders and believe this is allll that life offered to me. For years I convinced myself that I needed and loved what and who I had. And now I have evloved to a better person not so blinded after all.
I have learned within two years that no matter how comfortable a situation might be, or how long it has been going on, or that change is too scary cause what would it be like with or without someone or changing jobs, changing careers, moving, or just letting go of someone you know just doesnt fit for you(and some of you know that deep down that he or she just isnt right for you; why do you insist on wearing blinders?). CHANGE IS AMAZING. You survive. You live. You learn from it and yet you still go on. To let something finally go, to make that leap of change, that you know deep down you should of done early on is so more poetic and feels like a rush of relief and fresh air swept over you. Things begin to smell better. Taste better, feel better, sleep better. The endless worry nights seems to vanish and your mind begins to finally relax. Like the way the ocean meets the land. Why is it that people are soo afraid of change? Why do we constantly sell our selves short from what we deserve and can aquire? Can it really be that bad? I say no. I say love change, change is what helps you grow and become the person you shall become. I hope to never stop changing. I say own up to yourself, to your own feelings because they are your feelings and you owe it to yourself to not alway sacrafice your soul for what you know in your heart is wrong for you. The moment it comes you know it has to change. Why cast aside what you feel or know? Cause you'll find 3yrs, 5yrs, 7yrs will pass and your only hurting yourself and im pretty sure others as well. Love change. There is nothing more new and exciting to explore than yourself. Finally start loving you.

What are they seriously thinking?

What happened with guys being shy around girls, ethics and at least some class??? I would really like to know. I'm tired of meeting men, if that's what you would like to call them and instead of them trying to be nice and maybe even lieing a bit to you to at least get to hang out with you, they just by pass all that and come right out with it? Frankly, I'm not sure if i perfer the honesty or the lies better. It's just so bold. And the cell phone has become the devils tool!!! Goddamn technology with pic, and video sending. I dont want to see that shit. You can only imagine, not going to get into details. But seriously why even see the girl now when you can appearently attempt it via phone? Freakin perverts.lol
Frankly guys, get some class will you. What ever happened to wooing us?
enough said.

Could they seriously make any more excuses up?

I do believe that Valentines day is seriously the worst possible holiday, if you honestly want to call it a holiday. All it does is generate retarded amounts of money spent on useless shit to give to your significant other. A day to show how much your care...just on one day? Do you know by any chance how retarded that just sounds? If your sooo in love with your significant other why dont you show how you care every day??? Instead of one stupid day where you buy crap that you either eat or dies in a week, why isn't valentines day every day? Its all rigged to keep the economy going and to make society believe false illusions. I do not hate this holiday because I do not have a significant other, I hate this holiday for the very reason that people justify and cave into such false illusions thrown into their faces. showing you love and care about someone on one retarded day, setting up expectations that can't be met and or wasting your time and money as well.
Love is a connection that you share with someone one that you should celebrate everyday cause you never know whats going to happen tomorrow or how long it will last. You should cherish one another everyday and not waste time on jewerly and chocolates to prove your love. I also hate how it makes people feel when they dont have someone in their life currently. I guess that could go along with then people are depressed and low self esteem which in turn still helps the economy cause now they are buying anti depressants. Pharmacuticals companys...ahhh...thats another topic.....Why dont they just have a bullshit day called "Happy Singles day" where all the singles just buy useless crap to exchange! There's another way to make more money and ram what corporate giants and advertisments down your throat. This marketing stratagy and holiday is just a very sad excuse if you ask me.

How did I survive hell week? ? ? ?

It's widely amazing and even crazy, but I don't have to much to complain about. What can I say about what I like to call "Hell week" (Hell week is the week before xmas where everyone does their stupid last minute xmas shopping), that it physically drained me. Ha! I could complain about it for hours about the nonsense things people say and do at the "Land of always low prices", just picture non stop tugging and grabbing my arm, screaming and a place where people totally loose all behavior skills. Lets act like we are three again!!!!!!! Yay!
I have never been so disgusted in my entire life by the way people act, especially around the holidays, its sickens me. Its the holidays the theme is be nice and caring and be thankful for what you have but people snap under that kind of preasure! lol. How can they control themselves for 358 days but not a week before christmas? Well even though my christmas spirit was kicked to hell pretty much, I suddenly realized how fortunate and lucky I still am even though its occasionaly blinded by caios or mayham or even rude customers all day long! I had a very merry christmas even though things within my private life arn't so merry. I didn't care about money, or work, or how much i hate work, or the presents, or whats going to happen tomorrow, or right now for that matter. I cared about the true and real things in my life such as my family. Where all here and we are all healthy and together. That's it. What more can you possibly want or ask for? I was truly happy watching everyone together, laughing, hugging, teasing and smiling. No money or presents can buy a family or hold one together. Family is stronger than any glue.
my message -- don't be blinded by the endless amounts of shitty shit that happens in our lives, along with the corporate giants and retailers who ram advertisments and sales down our throats so that we spend, spend, spend to help them boost sales for the year and forget about the true meaning of xmas! I do believe it's someones birthday, correct me if i'm wrong.

Such a geek, i'm in the newspaper

Just thought i would share this with my friends and fam.



A product of the Observer-Dispatch
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Video gaming not just for nerds anymore
By CASSAUNDRA BABERfusioncbaber@utica.gannett.com

You might call Marlena Marron a junkie. She'll do just about anything to get her fix of Mario, Luigi and the Princess. That's game speak for the Super Mario Bros. characters Nintendo made famous in the 1980s that remain popular today. Marron has had - and sometimes mastered - every Nintendo system from the original to the Wii. But don't let that fool you. She's not the geeky, sleep-deprived, Dungeons and Dragons-type gamer you might imagine. This 26-year-old works full-time, attends school part-time and hosts all-night gaming parties - alcohol included - on the weekends. "We end up playing from 9 p.m. 'til 1 or 2 a.m.," said Marron of Marcy. "We have the drinks and everything. We don't even need a D.D."Marron's drug - er game - of choice? Most recently, the Nintendo Wii, Nintendo's newest gaming system. Marron waited at the North Utica Wal-Mart for more than 15 hours to purchase the $250 system. Marron made the best of the long wait - and of course it involved Nintendo. She and a friend brought their portable Nintendo DS, laptops and even had a pizza delivered, in order to make the time pass more quickly."It was actually a lot of fun," she said. So what's the big deal? What is it about these systems that have people waiting hours, and sometimes days, to buy these games? From text messaging to downloading movies and games, modern game systems can do everything, if not more, than a computer is capable of, said Anthony Brienza, Best Buy store manager in New Hartford. But it's the interaction that he thinks keeps people gaming. 'It's a challenge'Chuck Carr, 28, of Utica isn't willing to stand in line for the year's hot system, but still finds something compelling about the games. "For me, it's a challenge," said Chuck Carr, 28, of Utica. PlayStation 2 is his system of choice. Carr appreciates the graphics the game boasts. "I come from an art background, and the graphics are just phenomenal," he said. Carr could spend as many as 8 hours every other night gaming. He has a good excuse, however. Carr works the night shift at Vernon Downs. Gaming keeps him up when the rest of the world is sleeping."I have to stay up so I stay awake by playing," he said. "If I read a book, I would fall asleep."For all agesBrienza said gaming reaches all ages, but generally is most popular among men and women in their 20s and 30s.He pointed to the PlayStation Portable as the hot thing among 30-year-old professionals. "We'll sell more (of them) to business guys and girls because it's small," he said. "It fits into a coat pocket, and you can play movies on it."

Nintendo Revolution V.S The Nintendo Wii!!! Such Rubish!

It just keeps getting better, day in and day out as we grow closer to the holidays at the land of always low prices!
This event happens to be a personal favorite of mine.
So by now most of the population knows that Nintendo has launched their new gaming console on Nov 19th callllllleed the Wii. I had a very interesting customer try and convince me that the Nintendo Wii was not the newest system and that it is called Revolution. I tried to explain to him that Nintendo confirmed at E3 back in 2005 that the title 'Revolution' is a codename. They did not have a name for it yet, and when they did finally decide they named it Nintedo Wii.
LIES YOU SAY....
The customer thought I was totally bullshitting them. He then tried to convince me that the Nintendo Wii was nothing but a cheep shitty version of the REVOLUTION and that the Revolution was indeed as mighty and powerful as the new PS3. Soposed to be pratically the same as PS3.
Now we all know Nintendo's style and I dont ever think they would make a system anything like the PS3, but in any case, I threw my hands up in the air and caved in, "your right sir. I dont know what I was thinking"
I seriously can't even being to tell you that when i come into work that its only the begining there. It gets wourse as the day goes by and my will for sanity weakens by the end of the day.

on that note....I miss my nintendo Wii. I feel very seperated from it. Ha! Just kidding. Lots of school work and work in general to stay focused on. BUT I will make up for it when the semester ends....I promise!