Labor Day...

Well Labor day was quite chillax and that was fine by me.  Spent the day with family and friends.  The weather was perfect for a nice cook out.  It reminded me of fall, which is defiantly right around the corner.  There was a nice breeze which I snatched a near by hoodie and relaxed and had lots of great laughs with my loved ones.  It's time like that when everyone is together to appreciate the smallest things.  Days off, warm cool breezes,  cook outs, smiles, dogs begging for food, and the near by hoodie to snatch.

The Pillars

As we go through this thing called life the people who help mold and shape and build the foundation's of our  paths,  I call them the pillars.  We all a few or several pillars.  For myself, I can count my pillars on one hand.   I cherish all of them immensely.  I hope they all realize that in my actions.  Life sometimes feels like a snow globe.  The snow is lax and settled to the bottom and everything is routine and familiar and than time and reality sneaks up on you and shakes the snow globe and whispers in your ear that nothing is forever and your heart aches and before it even happens a piece of you feels as if you've begun to die.  I hate the fear it brings, the unknown but I know that I would never regret anything I've ever done because I've known my heart was right where it belonged all along.  The mental head game it brings, the clocks slashing away the minutes, the seconds and its all a massive joke.  What's it really all about? Every millisecond here is a gift.  The ones we love.  I find myself in a routine based on what is for others and not always for myself and I stop and question well if not for me then who right now?  Is that little extra time for someone else going to hurt me if it makes them happy?  The answer I almost find is always no and the end result is almost always the right one.  The constant ciaos all the noise of bullshit I separate myself from is quite simple I have no time for it, there is no room for it so why let it ruin you.  Lots of time I feel like running for shelter, sometimes I'm not even sure what point I'm trying to make.  But I know that they are pillars for me and I hope I can instill that some where down the line and be as amazing.

Suit of Amor

So I got to thinking about old relationships and how sometimes they can break you, change you for the worse.  You learn from these damaging relationships and move forward, but do we really move forward or do we just bury them so deep that you run at the first sight of them?  I cant help but wonder will we ever not be broken?  When your shield is constantly up how does one let them down? You constantly protect you soul from any outsiders and then someone tries to invade it and it shakes you to the core, so you run.  Feel no emotion when it comes to any type of personal relationship.  How can one person be that fucked up because of other peoples behaviors from the past?

Scars

Funny thing about scars, is your soul is full of them and lucky for yourself they are barried away and you don't have to face them once you have or haven't. But when its a scar on your physical self that brings you to a dark place in your soul it just rips the hole open that much deeper. It's hard trying to hold your soul together when it's been ripped back open especially when so many bandaids have been placed over the wounds. You feel like swish cheese bleeding at the seems. Trying to plug the holes, but there's just too many so you hug your own wounds gasping for your own breathe. You wonder how many more times can you place the already fragile soul back together again.

fabric of our own existance

I wonder if on some unknown level of being that what ever it is that we love or do that our bodies sync and become one.  Even if we aren't actively doing it.  When you get lost in your own world and your body pulses to the very fabric of your own being all the shapes and objects of the world shifts and melt away.  The sounds bleed through your very existence.  It's your own escape for what your actually capable of.  What we all are capable of.  It's weird how the sudden shock or jolt brings you so called back to life of reality and to your surroundings and your blown away that your even where you are at that very moment.

Question Everything

When did everyone start believing everything they are told?

Was it when our government started and people believed that they where being looked out for? Or was it when the pharmaceutical companies decided to push out drugs that harm people for the sake of making billions? Theres more than 500 channels of shit on TV all trying to send some mystical message that, this is how we should be, this is what you need and setting expectations that don't really exist. Infomercials louder to grab your attention. Between wars of news channels, where do you get your news and know its real journalism and not an agenda? Soft drink companies with their money making on bottled water, plastics that contain BPA, or our food that just slowly kill the masses. There is so much garbage out there, where do you start, how do you sift through whats real and whats not? People go with the flow and could careless if they are being poisoned or making themselves believe they need to be something they are not. Its all wrapped into one. One giant mess. There are so many tools we have access too and its crazy that people would rather not know. All the things that are out there are not to benefit you, its to benefit someone bigger than us to get all the dirty money they can get. People would rather close theirs eyes and do what they are told, till something is compromised. What studies prove that Fluoride is good for us? That Soy is good for us, or High Fructose Corn Syrup and Gluten? The mass slaughtering of animals, genetically engineered processes and to keep up with the masses to feed us. All for sheer connivance and for the corporations and the white little lie that its to make our lives easier. No one wants to open their eyes and really take a good look at how and why and is it right or safe, as long as we get it we don't need to know how its done right?

Views of Clarity

So I started contemplating, what ever happened with dating? Hanging out with someone and then dating? Did this term get removed from the dictionary or better yet sixth grade health class? I can only remember a handful of times being asked out on a "normal" date. Everything is so straight forward and lets fast forward and not even engage one another. I cant help but think, was it really so bad long ago before we got all vamped up on technology, cell phones, and being brutally honest without any hesitation. I head down this single road and struggle with the concept is it really all worth it? I cant pin point what has happened down the road that has changed my views and has given me such clarity. Well yes, I probably could but is it because I am more mature or things that have happened? I have just little tolerance for the nonsense and I can see all the BS in between. I see it and I respond to it they way it should be responded too. Sometimes I wish I could still be naive and fall for the nonsense instead of this invisible electric fence that has no emotion one way or another. Does it all really exist? I'm not being pessimistic honestly, I know some great people who have great loves in their life, but is it possible that some people just aren't made for it?